The One To Leave First



I have always been the one to leave first. Be it luck or circumstance, it has always been this way. Some of the times it has been my decision to venture out of my comfort zone first before all my peers decide to do the same and I am left behind, alone in the old world. The decisions are out of fear of being left alone, most of the times. Or is it self-preservation instead? 

I am a person who takes time to adapt, make new friends, get accustomed to new surroundings- an unlikely one to leave first- yet I do. You might think me selfish, but I am just afraid, and I decide to take care of myself first. Some might see this as a major risk-taking attitude, but I mostly see it as fleeing before the 'desertion' hits me instead. Now that's a strong word indeed. I am always in search of safe ground, always so insecure and calculating my moves lest I end up being alone on the island.

Paranoiac. Several things bother me at once. What if my peers get on with their lives leaving me behind? What if my friends get bored with me. No, it's not the usual 'Kya kahenge log' syndrome, instead, it's a subconscious form of self-validation. I can't help it.

It is so strange that here in Dehradun, in just a matter of two months I have made a safe and comfortable haven for myself. There are friends, classmates; faces who know me and smile while passing by and faces I recognise in a crowd. This is a blessing- becoming known and valued for in a new place. And here too, I know I'll be leaving first.


I am taking my Alexa rank to the next level with Blogchatter.

Comments

  1. I also leave when I find I'm going nowhere in a situation. This is the reason why I quite #MyFriendAlexa. Read about it here http://mumbaionahigh.com/2018/09/myfriendalexa-season-3-round-up-after-week-one-an-open-letter.html since I have asked to be removed from their pointless activity

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  2. I'm one of those people who takes a lot of time to adapt to a place, so I can relate to this. Constantly looking for validation is also one of my traits, diffidence hitting me hard otherwise. But it doesn't matter whether you leave first or last I guess, every change is just a phase of life we go through.

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  3. It is intriguing to read about traits and people who are the exact opposite of you. I learnt something new from your post today. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. I can completely relate to your post. I'm a socially awkward person who always wants to confine herself to the four walls of cosy home:)

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  5. but why? Is giving up and leaving at the first choice goo enough? But its your choice though!

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  6. Loved reading your post and it spurred my own train of thoughts.
    Another way to look at it would be, "a rolling stone gathers no moss" - next time you get an urge to leave, just stay...stay for your own sake. There is a magic in sticking around with friends for long...it leads to a beautiful journey where you grow old together and discover so many newer aspects to life. #MyFriendAlexa #MayuraReads

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  7. Adapting is new situation always takes long time for me,when i am not comfortable i prefer to leave the association, its nothing wrong so far i think,every human being has their own thought process,preferences and comfort zone.

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  8. Nice to hear that you are settling well.

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  9. Change is constant in life yet we get all shaken up when we are thrown out of our own confines and comfy zones. It is natural to feel the way you do and i have also been through it. You just get over it once you build your little group of friends to hang onto.

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  10. I take time to adapt as well- but I do love change in life. Else life becomes stagnant and boring. I love being to myself in fact I have realised as I grow older that I prefer very few around me, my tolerance for nonsense has gone down which is a good sign

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  11. I think one must try to enjoy and engage. The fears if any are not going to be much effective, if one leaves, another may join. Just my thoughts on that.

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  12. I don't like to leave. I don't like changes much. Once I become attached to a place, I can't wait to return to it whenever I go away.

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  13. I also get connected to the root with the people, the surroundings, the air I breathe in the place wherever I stay. It's difficult to leave that comfort zone and memories behind and start a new life altogether surrounded by everything new. But at the same time, I love to meet new people, make new friends, and explore new places. Changes are constant. Let’s accept it and move forward.

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  14. I consciously make an effort to control the extrovert in me. My problem is I move with people too easily and tend to form attachments quickly. As a result this leads to a lot of people taking me for granted and taking advantage of me. I realised this defect in my character early in life and I am constantly struggling to hold myself back with people. I am afraid I have not been too successful in this endeavour, because our DNA is our blueprint and it governs our character. Something impossible to beat.

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  15. Every person is different and there is nothing wrong with it as long as the person is comfortable in his or her skin. I am a chatterbox and make friends easily, however, in a new crowd even I look for that known face. It takes some time for me to shed my inhibitions, but once down, there is no stopping me.

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  16. I guess we all somewhere deep down need constant validation. And what we do depends on so many factors surrounding us.

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  17. I am also someone who leaves first. M glad you found your haven.

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  18. Loved reading your post and understanding your point of view

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  19. Doesn't really matter. it's what you really want matters!

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  20. This is the story of most people, I am also like this, I cut myself from people, when the things are not going well around me and prefer to stay alone. It takes time for me to get friendly with anyone

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  21. I was like this for sometime back. With many people and many situations coming in life i have learnt to overcome these thoughts and feelings !!!

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  22. Do what your heart says, and there's nothing wrong to be the first one to leave. Everybody's nature should be respected :)

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  23. Hey Pratikshya, Perseverance is the best quality while surviving in the rat race. Some times, it's wise to leave before losing out. Many times it's rewarding to stay put , facing challenges and heading towards victory. I wish I had done the same. #MyFriendAlexa #SujatawdeReads

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  24. just like you I take time to make new friends. You should be careful and take time to decide who should or shouldn't be in your life.  Trust is a tricky thing. Nobody can give you a set of parameters that will accurately decide if you can or cannot trust a person. The ability will come with experience and unless you are willing to bet your trust on people, you will never realise if they are worth your trust. 

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  25. Dehradun has brought out a different side of you. I feel like you are opening up to the world much more than before Have you considered writing something in the line of Dehradun diaries?

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    Replies
    1. :D You feel so :D .. That's good right? Yeah I think I would start something like that soon... :)

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  26. Don't be afraid to be the last one standing, for you'll discover a new you , a stronger you! just give it va try once.
    #mannreads

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  27. Nothing selfish in it. Though unnecessary fears are not good either. You know what is best for you.
    #MyFriendAlexa #momlearningwithbaby #Blogchatter

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  28. It's just the thoughg of the moment in which we decide to leave. Everything and everybody should be given ample time to figure out things and situations.

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  29. I don't see anything wrong in leaving first. Though, I am completely opposite, and gel up very quickly with others but at the same time, I see my comfort first. "You might think me selfish, but I am just afraid, and I decide to take care of myself first", No, you are not selfish, self care is service to yourself and one should always keep it as his/her priority.

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  30. Change is the only constant. Keeping that in mind, it's actually a good thing to let go easily. Thought provoking post.

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  31. Eventually the only person left is yourself. Good Post!

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  32. Very interesting indeed...and I am the last one to leave any place! :)

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  33. I can understand. I am the one who always struggle to get out of a situation or circumstances. People leave me easily I guess since I give them much space. Also, being emotionally fragile I should avoid being seriously attached to anything. But I often do that. Well, that's the way some of are by default made. Excellent post.

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  34. i loved the honesty pratikshya. i am more a person similar to what u have mentioned. i have a limited circle of friends and i keep to them. i can adapt to any place but to the people, i take time, self analyzing me and them. if i am in a whatsapp grp, i leave it when i find myself uncomfortable. i cant blame the people there. may be i am slightly not normal like them. :)

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  35. This post the resonated with me at places more than one.

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  36. I also take time to adjust but once comfortable, I stay. But agree with you , its always better to leave when you are not comfortable or at peace.

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  37. I like this candid confession, what i don't get is that you don't even hope not to leave. It's ok, maybe that's what helps you break free! Stay with MyfriendAlexa though, will help

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  38. I too like to leave first, but I attribute this to having withdrawal symptoms. I know that the more I get indulged the more I will be upset when it ends, so yes in a way of self preservation, I too like to leave first.

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  39. It is ok to take time to adapt. Hope you will be sticking around till the end of #MyFriendAlexa... 😝😛

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  40. Your post made me to ponder. Well I am quite opposite, I get accustomed to lace and situations easily and stay till last.

    Cheers
    MeenalSonal from AuraOfThoughts
    #MyFriendAlexa #MeenalSonalReads

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  41. You are more like me. #sindhureads #myfriendalexa

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  42. I think I know what you mean. Yet, I leave last. It's painful to be left behind. But I'd like to be with people as long as i can. The pain will always be there. But the time I get to spend, I utilize it as much as possible.

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  43. I am someone who would stay till the end even if there was no one left but life teaches us a lot good things too. And now I know when to leave. I don't open up real quick, take my time to make new friends and I feel all that is Ok.

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  44. It is a boon to be able to move on and adapt quickly to surrounding. <3

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  45. I am the one who stays till the end in any situation and see what can I do to change it. There is no point in leaving early as it will lead to assumptions which are never good for any relation.

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  46. ImIan introvert and take time to make friends. I persevere and don't leave easily. But i think there's no harm in leaving early. You protect yourself from many harsh reality of life.

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  47. I can relate to you. Even I take time to adjust to new situations. But eventually things do fall in place of we stick to them.

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  48. I haven't left and I don't leave. A place. A relationship. Anything. I haven't been left behind much either. I did marry and have kids faster than many of my peers but I did not head the crowd. So, I guess, I am the opposite of you in some sense. But I haven't had to encounter too many new crowds, and I prefer that. I like my zone of comfort I guess.

    Namratha from #firstgreenstep

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  49. I would call this self-love and I see nothing wrong in it. If this gives you peace,so be it.

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  50. "...always so insecure and calculating my moves lest I end up being alone on the island." This perfectly describes me. I felt every bit of this post.
    #MyFriendAlexa #literarylehareads

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  51. Adapting to a new situation can take sometime. Change is also considered as the spice of life. Wishing you all the best to cope with this change #MyFriendAlexa

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  52. I totally understand your point of view and I think it is true. We feel insecure for many reasons and because of many situations we faced in our lives. I love it when your mind's reflection is as beautiful as this. It conveys our fears and insecurities openly and lets us move forward.

    I used to be an extrovert and I enjoy the moments with almost everyone. However, I am an introvert when it comes to going the depth with people. I love new places and take the time to adapt to them. When I find there is no point of being somewhere or in something, I take the first move.

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  53. This is such an unusual post. Having been and Army brat, and then an Army wife, I have had to leave every two or three years, even when I didn't want to, at times. However, I have always left with a feeling of wanting to stay on. However, people are made differently and I appreciate the fact that you prefer to leave well in time, because you want to take care of yourself. I find that a perfectly valid reason.
    #DeepTiesReads #MyFriendAlexa

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  54. I'm still adjusting to this new place after marriage and keep visiting Pune to meet my few BFF's and visit my favorite places. I'm similar to few of the traits mentioned above and I'm glad to be the same even after marriage. I have no friends here of my age but have few good elders who have the best guidance advice.
    #vigorousreads #MyFriendAlexa

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  55. I take time to adapt to a new place but with time as change is part of life , it gets settled. Still I would love to stay in my confort zone and not move so often.

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  56. I know exactly what you mean. For a very long time, I used to be like that. I would follow the 'leave before you're left' philosophy. But soon enough I realized that by doing this, we stone wall our possibilities.

    And the possibilities are always endless. Many years down the line, you wouldn't want to regret not knowing what would have been, if only you had stayed...

    Life isn't about who left first. It's about who waited till the end!

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  57. I found ur post very different true u cNt judge people around you.

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  58. After all change is the only constant in life.. I am sure your life is so much richer in terms of experience. Every leaving has surely made you a stronger and more resilient person.

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  59. I was a person who wasn't opening up that easily but now with time I have changed a lot and I am liking this change. It has helped me a lot in making new friends.
    #MothersGurukulreads #Myfriendalexa

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  60. It is just ok... Be yourself.. Do only things you are comfortable with.. 'life is what you make it'😀

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  61. As long as you know what you are doing and it's the right thing to do, it's okay to leave. Whenever is the right time.

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  62. After seeing this life, I personally feel that It is not right to quit and run away. I usually stand, look closely and then start with bang. #myfriendalexa #mommyinmereads

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  63. It isn't a bad idea to venture away of you know you're not heading anywhere by staying. Sometimes going away brings you closer to yourself.

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  64. We all seek validation and whatever helps you get through it is good enough. Its rightly said that change is the only constant thing in life. :)

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  65. I am kind of similar person. I always leave first.Best of luck to you

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  66. I used to be an introvert and i lost so much just because I had fear of criticism from others. I did not want to look like a fool ever. And this brought a lot of stress for me. I changed after getting married. The fear of failure is vanishing with each passing day and life seems better now.

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  67. I feel you.... completely.

    All these lines stand true for me as well. But I was once a very outgoing person. But some incidents in my early life left a scar which made me extra cautious. The moment I feel that circumstances or people are showing signs of changes which I won't be able to come in terms with, I leave. This whole thing for me is a mode of self-preservation. I don't feel selfish about it. It is a process which has kept me happy and peaceful.
    So it is completely okay to be as u r. Accept yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself

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  68. Since I don't know your story I cannot comment on your 'leaving first'. However, I would like to add that sometimes people or life isn't as bad as we think. Give them a chance, you might be presently surprised. Have some faith.
    You've seen 'Dear Zindagi'? If not, please do. Shahrukh Khan makes a lot of sense on this same topic.

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  69. Everything keeps changing with respect to time. Wish you all the very best.

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  70. It is never wrong in being who you are till the time you arent hurting or troubling someone. Nice post.
    #MyFriendAlexa #ContemplationOfaJoker #Jokerophilia

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  71. Reading this almost felt like we were having a conversation, Pratikshya! Now taking my imaginary conversation forward: What makes you feel you’ll leave first here too?

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  72. Trust is a small word but heavy one. Leaving or quitting before end is personal. Logic, circumstance or people can push one to stop before suffocation. And that's okay. Whatever keep one going is good. Good to see similarities with you Pratikshya.

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  73. I am completely your opposite when it comes to adaptations. I usually don't take time adjusting in a new place/situation. The fact that I survived in the Southern part of the country (being a rice hater) speaks volumes.

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  74. Its always interesting to read the point of view that has never occurred to self! I am exactly the opposite. I am the last to leave.
    Thanks for throwing light on a different facet of your personality Pratikshya.

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  75. It's a boon to know how to move on, first or second doesn't matter. I have learnt this the hard way, and quite late. M glad you learnt it soon. #LiveItYoungReads #MyFriendAlexa

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  76. [ I don't see my earlier comment so request you to delete it if it got posted]

    I am not someone who will judge you for your choices. I don't have the right :) Whether to stay and make the situation worse [or better] or to move out [ which takes more grit] is a choice based on a given situation :) You do what is best for you. taking care of oneself is the most important thing

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  77. great post ..im also someone who takes time to be comfortable..i accept who i am :) #BoomzReads #MyFriendAlexa

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